The idea that women are psychopaths isn’t new. It’s been hanging around for decades. We exist in a world that can label us as irrational, crazy or hysterical in a heartbeat, sometimes all three at once. It’s bred from the idea that we can quickly switch between the human emotional range, going from delicate queen, to an Amy Dunn type of psychosis within milliseconds.
Now I may be stepping up to the firing squad of feminism for saying this, but there’s some real truth in it. You might be outraged as you argue against me, but there’s also a tiny voice in your head that’s nodding along and remembering all the times you’ve managed to fly off the handle in what can only be described as Oscar worthy performances.
It’s that tiny voice that’s normally the cause of the so called ‘crazy’, and there’s no getting away from it. It’s especially prevalent when dealing with men. For example, you might be messaging a guy and wondering why he hasn’t replied to you. The cool, calm and collected woman in you, the woman who stands for feminism and doesn’t need a man to define her, she’s all like; ‘it’s totally cool, he’s just busy’.
Then you have the Other Woman in you. She’s the one whose patience hangs on a spider web like thread and often doesn’t care about what she looks like, or what the feminists will think. She’s the type of woman who pulls every item out of her wardrobe in an absolute rage because she has nothing to wear and you’ll probably find her, at one point or another, throwing plates across the kitchen, because you know, dramatic effect. She’s the one telling you that his behaviour is completely unreasonable because, who doesn’t have time to send a message anyway, and you should definitely send that snarky text in retaliation to his silence.
Needless to say, it’s mainly the Other Woman who wins and as you send that snarky text message, it’s another nail in the coffin of ‘rational’ women everywhere.
Admitting that there’s some level of ‘crazy’ in us isn’t a defamation of femininity or slander against women. I’m not denouncing feminism or suggesting that we pander to stereotypes. It’s just a tiny truth about being a woman.
Because here’s the thing, as women, we’re supposed to ebb and flow. Our emotional range is tremendous and biology has designed us to feel different things, at different times of the month. As women, we have the unique ability to create human life, and that ability fundamentally changes our perspective. We’re literally built to survive and continue the human race. Men can’t do that, and therefore we have a hugely complex hormonal endocrine and reproductive system that’s naturally built in us to make this amazing act of life possible.
Not to mention that we live in a male dominated, male driven and male focused world. Trying to find a voice in the middle of all that testosterone, in a structure that was designed to singularly promote men, is really difficult. In a world of booty calls and bunny boilers, everything is working against us. Society has managed to proposition us as total lunatics if we want to take anything beyond the bedroom, and so we do our absolute best to never ever be ‘that girl’, instead giving off a flippant attitude and casual indifference.
We’re also spoon fed conflicting messages which is exhausting. We’re told to dress provocatively, but called whores when we do. We’re told not be emotional, but then we’re cold and un-maternal. We’re told not to play games, but try telling a guy how you really feel and you’ve lost the entire game. We’re expected to be able to deep throat a man with the stamina of a porn star, but we’re to come to them virginal. We should be able to eat pizza with the lads, yet still look like a Victoria Secrets model.
In addition, we’re emotionally intelligent creatures and we feel things. And by things, I mean EVERYTHING. All that feeling exists in a world that has stigmatised and demonized us for ‘being too emotional’. Do you have any idea how difficult it is when your biological makeup is throwing out all the feelings at you, and yet the world you exist in is trying to force them back into your body?
It’s like two immeasurable forces coming together. You know that scene at the end of Harry Potter when Voldemort and Harry are fighting and their wands connect, it’s exactly like that. But worse. Mainly because you don’t have a wand, or magic, but also because if you put that much pressure on a person, they will eventually snap.
So when the Other Woman finally breaks and screams at you for not replying to her last 16 messages, (probably while throwing a few plates around), just know that it’s not necessarily about those unopened texts, but it’s just that force finally breaking free.
Women have been created with an entire emotional range because actually, we’re supposed to use it, from one end to the other. I’m not gong to stifle the various parts of me anymore because a man might ‘see my crazy’. I’m going to honour it and recognise that it’s part of my multifaceted femininity.
And when I say honour it, I don’t mean in a, ‘hide in the attic and burn it down Jane Eyre style’ kind of way. Instead, I mean it in a, ‘I’m not going to beat myself up and hide all my emotions to be easily digestible by my male counterparts’ kind of way.
If I feel pissed off about something, I should be able to communicate that instead of hiding it in an attempt to be labelled as one of the ‘cool girls’. All I’m doing then is fitting into a masculine ideal of femininity and that’s not true to myself. Instead, I’m going to recognise that perhaps my hormones are seeking something and my body, on some level, is craving communication. It doesn’t make me irrational and pushy. Believe me, I don’t want to have an argument with you over the fact that you still haven’t managed to grasp the basic methods of communication. In the words of Big Sean, there’s a million trillion things I’d rather fucking do, but honestly, the hormones coursing through my body aren’t giving me much of a choice.
Which is why being dubbed as ‘crazy bitch’ or ‘bat shit crazy’ is so God damn annoying. Our bodies were uniquely created to generate human life, and with that gift comes a host of emotions that I’m tired of apologising for.
If we’re really going to achieve some kind of equality and understanding between the sexes, men are going to have to recognise that we’re intrinsically, emotionally different and will ebb and flow, sometimes like a lazy river with few changes, and sometimes like the tide crashing in and out of the shore. That ability to tap into an extraordinary range of emotion makes women the incredible creatures they are. It gives them the strength to birth, nurture and raise other humans. It also allows them to survive and fight like lionesses for their young.
It’s pretty fucking glorious when you think about it and the only crazy thing would be to try and hide it.